Staring at the blank page before you
Here's an update on what's been going on lately
Well, well, well,....Work is getting a bit better and I did say a BIT. I still would rather be outside in the sunshine working with horses than pretending that I know what I'm doing. I've just gotta hook that up somehow...hmmm
So anywhos, while I'm on the horse subject (when am I not?) I took a lesson with Joan at the Equestrian Center last week and I think I like her style a lot more than Cindy's at Rocky Bayou, and the lessons are more affordable. A package of 4 lessons is $95. ONE lesson at Rocky Bayou is $50. And Joan is very interactive and really puts her full attention into her advanced riders. I almost felt bad because a young girl was riding that day too and Joan asked me just that evening if I wanted to ride and then turned the one hour into a two hour and rode her horse and demonstrated for me and everything lol. I think she gets excited to actually have someone she can work with, not just walk, trot, leadline stuff like most of the students there. And it will be more affordable to go to shows, and it's right down the street so eventually I'll be riding Chloe in my lessons. Exciting! :D
So anyways, she focuses more on centered riding and relaxing your body, and I'm more used to focusing on my position of course, but also being sort of rushy and alert and in a "gotta go" mode, so she's really slowing me down and making me think about everything I'm doing and relearning the basics which is always good.
I'm also thinking about moving Chloe to a new barn. It's still close (there's 4 barns in the area), so I could still ride her to my lessons. It's called Joiners and it is under new ownership so they are making a lot of renovations and they have better benefits that are still affordable. They are putting a brand new roof on the barn, fertilizing and completely irrigating the huge turnout fields that surround the stable (very picturesque). They feed and turnout in the morning (right now at Hollytree Stables Bev feeds but doesn't turn out so Chloe only gets turned out when I can get out there, not good for a 3 year old) and she would be turned out with other horses which I know she would looove and she'd be out all day and then come in in the evening. There's also a jump arena and the reservation is right across the street which means miles of trails that stretch all the way to Alabama! It'd be about $50 bucks more a month, but I'm making more now so it would work out and we'd both be happier. At Hollytree there is only 6 ladies and 10 horses including me and Chloe and usually I'm there by myself which isn't much fun and at Joiners theres a lot more people. :D
My old instructor, Cindy just moved her horses there, so I know it's gotta be a good barn. It's weird I've been having dreams every night about moving. Some good some weird... So we'll just see how things go, but yeahhhhhhh!
Um, right now there's not much to look forward to but my days off at the barn. I miggght get to go to Mississippi for my niece Jade's b-day but thats a big IF I can get off. I may go on a sorta date with the guy I went to prom with in high shcool...strange much, lol. Um so yeah, I'm just taking it day by day gettin through it. Ain't life grand?
Here's some new pics from the barn that I posted in the horsey communities but was really too lazy to post here lol so here's the link
So erm....I've been at Banfield Pet Hospital for about a week now, and I like it but it just sucks being new and starting all over again at a new place. Everything that you document or work with is on a touch screen computer, so the whole system is different but besides that it's just good to be back in a vet tech position, and not being stepped all over by the jerks at Niceville Animal Clinic. I went by Thursday to get my check and Amber told me that a few days after I left a lot of shit went down. I guess their last nice person has left the building lol. Dr. Jenny tried to demote the receptionist supervisor, Tori because she isn't being enough of a bitch and getting people to do what they're supposed to. When really, Tori is the most down to earth person ever, who does her work and it's not her fault the rest of the people are stupid and ok I'm going to stop venting now b/c I no longer have to work at that hole in the wall anyways...
So I had my first riding lesson at Rocky Bayou Stables a few weeks ago and I really like my trainer. Her name is Cindy Stainback and she's super nice and a great instructor. I rode a 16.2h Thoroughbred chestnut gelding named Kyle. He's a nice guy but he's a really foreward going horse, and I'm still getting back into riding shape so its kinda hard to keep up with him lol. Not to mention I could have hit myself for going out partying the night before so I was really tired and had no energy. But no regrets, b/c it was sort of an "inroductory" lesson anyways, just getting back to the basics and getting the old clocks turning again. My legs were sooooo sore afterwards. It's amazing when you're actually riding correctly with your stirrups shortened and your toes in, heels down, shoulders back, and all that...it really makes a difference from just trail riding lol.
Like 6 girls from Southern Cross moved to Rocky Bayou b/c they jacked up their board even more from the $560 something that it was before, and that's just for basic care! Lorie Kelly is insane. So now the Cox sisters are at R.B. along with their "trainer mother" Laura Cox. I can't stand those people they are so stuck up. I remember going to a show with my friend Hailey and her pony Hot Shot when we were 10 years old and Catie and Cassie were the notorious girls that everyone hated and that was like 10 years ago! lol Why did they have to move to the same barn that I take lessons at??? But besides that I really like Rocky Bayou. If I wanted to work two jobs to pay for their $465 board a month I would, but why pay that much when I could pay $145, ya know. So next time I'm going to ride a more easy going horse until I get my muscles back up to par. Oh, and new pics of Chloe coming soon! :)
So I'm off tomorrow so I finally get to sleep in and go to the barn.
C ya later peeps,
She is the prom queen
I'm in the marching band
She is a cheerleader
I'm sittin in the stands
She gets the top bunk
and I'm sleeping on the floor
She's Miss America
And I'm just the girl next door
"The Girl Next Door" - Saving Jane
I love that song, lol. So today was a half day for me at work so I went to the barn in the afternoon and rode Chloe a little bit and walked her down the road to get her used to the cars and such and of course when I do, there's barely any cars. Weird. I passed by The Equestrian Center and a girl named Cassie that I know drove by and said Chloe looked really good in her western gear lol. My mom came by since she hasn't seen Chloe in ages and doted on her some more and then my tired self headed home.
Yesterday was vet day for Chloe. Dr Henderson came out around 7pm because Chloe's vaccinations were due and so were Bev's horses. So Dr. Henderson diagnosed the bumps on her side as cartilige from her ribs that was torn when she went through some sort of tight space. It's called a "floating rib" but really, it's cartilige and it's harmless. He says he has a dog with the same thing. It's quite comical that Dr. Ford (who has since moved out of the state) told me that it was a heaves line and that my two and half year old horse had heaves when it's usually diagnosed in older horses. Dr. Henderson said it's definitley not heaves, she just had a upper respitory infection which was treated by the antibiotics he gave me after Dr. Ford had no idea what to do.
So anyways, she got her West Nile, EWT, and Strangles vaccines. She wasn't the greatest patient lol. I was a little scared she was going to rear, but he was quick so it wasn't that bad. She really hated the Strangles vacc. because it's nasal and he put a tube down her nose. But she's all set now and I also got her a Lik-It for her stall which she was tossing back and forth and letting it roll around on her neck like a massager with her eyes closed and her lip all droopy LOL. It's cherry flavored but I don't think she likes the cherry so I got a molasses refill for it.
Tomorrow I'm going to call Rocky Bayou Stables and set something up with the hunter/jumper trainer to take one or two lessons a month so it won't break the bank that much. I think there's another PHJA show in May. Wouldn't that be like friggin awesome if I could compete in a flat class or two? Coolies.
C Y@ L8Terz,
All is well on my end, for now anyways. :) Wednesday I went in for my trial day at Banfield Pet Hospital (located in Pet Smart) for the vet tech position. It went really well and Dr. Debuc is really cool. She's middle aged, and kinda resembles a barbie doll, Louis Vitton bag and all lol. She is really down to earth and doesn't just designate her duties to strictly seeing the patient and then leaving and hiding in her office. Unlike Dr. Jenny who was her employees pick up her dry cleaning, mail, and kids for her, and reserves herself only for coming in the room (when all the dirty work is taken care of) diagnosing the patient, then leaving to finalize her dinner plans.
I put in my two weeks yesterday, who hoo! Since my supervisor, Tori is out because she has a cyst on her ovaries, I told Mrs. Ilse the german business manager who was surprisingly understanding. I am one of her few favorite people and she said that she is happy for me and that it is Niceville's loss that I am going to another clinic. She said that I am the nicest, most caring person she's ever met and that I am welcome back anytime.
So I'm excited and nervous at the same time about starting a new career venture. Banfield seems cool, right now there's only three other techs, so I should have plenty of great opportunites and Dr. Debuc told me personally that she would love the train me as a tech and that it will be a great career builder. It's a pretty high tech clinic too, all the files are in the computer and it's a touch screen system, and the x ray screens are built into the wall, the patient have moniters that moniter the amount of fluids they intake, etc. And it's in Pet Smart so theres a huge store full of pet supplies. Exciting!
Chloe finally got her hooves trimmed too, and I got to meet my new farrier, Andrew Crawford. He's a young guy (cutie) and he was good with Chloe, so I like him. He trims and shoes horses all throughout Florida and Alabama and even does Pat Parrelli's horses! So her pretty little hooves are all round and smooth and that makes me happy to see her in good health and over the upper respitory infection too. No more coughing! I've taken some new pictures of her and hopefully tomorrow Bev can take some of me riding too.
I'm still waiting for my dang income tax return to come in grr! I thought it would come in sooner, so I spent money on stuff I needed and now I'm completly broke. The Pensacola Hunter Jumper show is this weekend but of course I have no extra gas money, or any english riding friends my age to go with, so of course that sucks. But anyways, today was a low key, hang around the house day, so tomorrow will be full barn day.
C Y@ On Tha FliP SidE,
How long have you been riding?: 6 years
When did you first want to ride horses?: I was 8 when I caught the bug
Whats your favorite breed?: Hmm I dunno
Do you have any siblings that ride: My sister had a horse when she was younger
Whats the name of the barn you ride at?: Hollytree Stables
What do you want to be when your older?: equine veterinary technician,compete on the adult amateur jumper circuit, own my own barn
How many horses have you owned?: one, Chloe
Do you own a pair of half chaps?: Yup
Do you own tall boots?: Yes one pair
Have you shown in any huge major shows?: lol I wish, but unfortunately, I don't have rich parents
What color is your show jacket?: Don't own one
Do you wear gloves when you show?: Again, I don't show
Do you carry a crop?: no
Do you do jumping or flat classes more?: I wish I did jumping
Do you do pleasure classes?: urmm no
Hunters or Jumpers?: jumpers
How high do you show (jumping)?: I've only jumped like 2"
What horses have you shown before?: none
Do you event?: No, eventually
Have you been in a halter or showmanship class? no
Do you ride english or western?: Started out English, which is my passion but I currently ride western because it is less expensive
Have you done barrel racing?: a few times, once in a timed trial and I did really bad lol
Cutting? : Nope
Dressage : When I was 8, with my first instructor
What's the highest place you've gotten?: Uh, yeah
Best compliment ever received at a show about you or your horse?: "She looks good and has come such a long way"
This or That
Thoroughbreds or Quarter Horses?: No preference
Morgans or Arabs?: Arabs
English or Western?: English
Jumping or Dressage?: Jumping
Carrots or Apples?: carrots
Close Contact or All Purpose?: close contact
Pessoa saddles or Wintec?: Pessoa *Only in my Dover catalog* lol $1200
Geldings or Mares?: non biased, but I"ll put in a good word for the mares
Bay or Chestnut?: bay
Rainy, drippy day. Slept in a bit, played with my kitty. Oh, and my kitty Bruiser got spayed! Awhh. And she has neon green sutures! lol She is so spoiled she has all her vaccs and I got her microchipped too. Dr. Davis did a really good job. I could tell he took his time on her because it's a very good, small incision. Yeah Dr D!, even though you're an arrogant a-hole... Ok enough vet talk, lol.
Went to the barn, hand walked Chloe cuz it was about to rain so I didn't turn her out. So I put her up and go around the corner to get my wheelbarrel and who do I meet? None other than Axle munching on grass, LOOSE behind the barn. I was like uh, hi Axle. Are you supposed to be out? lol So I ran and shut the main gate and called Bev and she said that he must have knocked down the boards in his run and I went and checked and sure enough he did! So I tried to catch him but he was running around like a mad man going, "ha ha I got out!" So I went and got a carrot and was waving it around and of course the big brute came running lol. He's so big compared to Chloe, I'm not used to leading around something that massive! So I turned him out, nailed the board back on and went and got him from the field and put his big butt back in his stall. lol
My sister Melanie is in town and she wants me to babysit tongiht. Grr...the things I agree to....it's like 5 kids and they're all boys! Ahh! Hopefully the money I get will make it worthwhile. Me:"Ok little brats, let's got to bed know.." lol
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Cuz I'm A Rider, A Soul Survivor!!!................
I'm starting to relax a little more and I'm back on the medication I've been on twice before, and obviously I need to stay on it. Because I will get better and think I don't need it, so I stop taking it, when really I should stay on it all the time. It's something about chemical inbalances of seratonin in the brain causing emense anxiety resulting in depression. Boy, aren't I insightful? lol So yeah...and as I go back on meds so does my horse...
I called Dr. Henderson to get antibiotics for Chloe since Dr. Ford never got back to me, needless to say I will never use him again. Dr. Henderson is very good, he'll definitley be her regular vet. So anyways, she's on an antibiotic called Ditrim for 10 days so hopefully it'll turn out that she does have an upper respitory infection and maybe dust allergies but not COPD. We'll just see how things go from here.
Oh I heard something really funny at the barn yesterday. Kinda freaky, I guess. Amanda the owner was riding Rider in the arena as I pulled up and she was like, "Did you hear about that crazy lady jumping on Axle's back yesterday?" And I was like NO! lol
She said some car stopped in front of the barn and this lady strung out on all kinds of drugs, jumped the fence and went into Axle's run and hopped on his back! Amanda said he just slung her off and ran back into his stall. The lady was like, "Please don't call the cops, I just luvvv horses!" But Amanda called them anyways and the people drove off really quick. Too bad that lady didn't know that Axle is only 5 and not very broke because his owner Beverly never rides him. Last year he bucked a lady off and broke her ribs that in turn punctured her lung! I would be so pissed if she had jumped on Chloe, who's run is right before his. She's only 2, and I don't want her having problems being ridden in the future because some crazy drug addict jumped on her. That's one of the bad things about having a stable in the city. LOL Crazy stuff.
I'm at Frogs To Dogs today in Destin and that office is so dead. It's just one person sitting there all day answering the phone which rings maybe two or three times every couple of hours..yawn....I've read so many magazines and horses books I'm bored silly and I really don't want to go back from my lunch break. LOL
Back to Boredom,
So it hasn't been a very good time for me lately. I spent the last few hours crying, hating myself, and feeling very alone. I keep pushing everyone away and I don't know how to make that stop or feel comfortable in my own skin.
My niece used to look up to me and text me everyday just to say hey. Now since she's last seen me, and knows that I've changed, that I'm always stressing and unhappy with my life, not wanting to talk to people because I'm uncomfortable every single second and I can't fucking stand myself! Why should other people want to be around me? So I'm not the fun loving aunt she once knew, I haven't heard from her or anyone else for that matter in weeks, about a month. I have my friends at work, but it's not the same when they don't know the real you. I just want to climb into a hole and stay there. This really sucks. I felt so alone today that I actually asked my mom to go to a horse show with me which she declined, not knowing it would hurt my feelings. So I went home and slept all day instead of seeing an A rated show circuit that only comes around once. All I have right now is my cat, which is pathetic. :/ As I was balling my eyes out in my room she came up to me and put her paw on my hand and nuzzled my cheek as the tears ran down. And now I'm crying just thinking about it again.
My life has no meaning or direction right now. I still haven't started college because I don't have the money or the motivation. I'm a high school graduate and I make $6.50 an hour and my brother dropped out and got his G.E.D. and is making $10.00 working in a grocery store deli. I'm 19 and drowning in debt because of an accident I couldn't control. I go through the motions of everyday life not really living it, just getting through it. I'm sure I should get back on medication, but that would be admitting defeat.
I need to leave my job, but I stay there because it is "safe" and I know what I'm doing and I would have to start all over at a new job. Even though I know they don't deserve me there. They moved me to reception, though everyone in the building knows I want to be in lab, threw me to the wolves over Christmas and made me run Frogs To Dogs by myself, and take care of over 30 dogs in the kennel, I got no Christmas bonus after all that. Not to mention it's a 25 mile drive each way, equalling 50 miles 4-5 days a week. If I leave the clinic, I'll no longer be working at a veterinary clinic which was the whole point to have expeirence for being a vet tech or putting on a resume. Now I don't even know what I want to do. And where would I go? A restaurant or a clothing store or what? I wish I could travel taking care of horses but like that would ever happen.
I doubt anybody will read this anyways, so again I'm all alone trapped in my own pointless life, and I don't care if I sound like a downer, because it's the truth.